Publication Date: 03-APR-06
COPYRIGHT 2006 Contra Costa Times
Byline: Jackie Burrell
distinctive wedding aisle cadence -- step, pause, glow. And then, as misty-eyed spectators took notes,
more brides followed, one after another in elaborate designer gowns, down the bridal fashion catwalk.
Step, pause. Ka-ching.
Weddings are a $70 billion a year industry, a tulle and froth creation fueled by glossy magazines the
size of phone books, glitzy bridal fairs and Madison Avenue. These days, bridal parties think nothing of
jetting off to Vegas or renting out a spa for a bachelorette shindig. Flower girls don't drop petals -- they
distribute full-blown corsages to every guest on the aisle. And it's not enough to have a wedding
planner -- some men decide to use proposal planners as well. If that's too much for a fevered bride to
contemplate, well, there are elopement planners, too.
"The emphasis on the extravaganza wedding, the industry standard wedding, has gotten so elaborate,"
said bridal counselor Allison Moir-Smith, an East Coast therapist who's on a national mission to help
brides reclaim the emotional component of their weddings. "A lot of people end up resenting their
weddings because they end up taking over their lives. All the wedding is trivialized into 'a huge project
I'm working on.'" This weekend, brides-to-be can survey the offerings at San Francisco's Bridal Expo.
Next weekend, they can "Experience Total Bridal Indulgence" at Conde Nast's "Wedding March," also in
the city. In September, the wedding faire biz lands in San Ramon. In October, it's Modesto.
And in February, it was Walnut Creek, where fresh-faced brides-to-be and jeans-clad bridesmaids
thronged the vendor booths, looking at monogrammed chocolate favors and the latest canapes.
Photographers hawked their wares -- high-definition DVDs, suitable for replaying the magic day on a
giant plasma screen TV. And a full-on fashion show replaced the arrogant catwalk strut with scenes
straight out of "Father of the Bride" -- or maybe "American Pie 3." A tiny flower girl blew kisses to the
weepy audience. Tuxedo-clad groomsmen boogied. And women in the audience waved dollar bills as
Times have changed. "It used to be that the bride and groom donned their Sunday best," said Marin
interfaith minister Ema Drouillard, who has performed thousands of weddings. "The groom would pick
a handful of wildflowers. Everyone would bring a dish, and share in the celebration. It was simple and
sweet." But brides have changed, too. Between World War II and Watergate, the average first-time
bride was just 20.4 years old, barely out of her teens.
Today, the average first-time bride is 26 years old, the groom is 28 and their dual-income household
brings in more than $50,000 a year. Their families have multiple mothers, fathers and step-siblings.
And everything is more complicated. According to wedding industry trackers, such as
SellMoreWeddings.com, half those brides will hire a professional to plan their $22,000-plus wedding.
The groom will spend $3,000 on the engagement ring -- assuming he bought into the diamond
industry's "suggestion" that he spend two months' salary on the rock. And the guest list will be huge --
175 friends and loved ones. Bay Area weddings cost more. And some couples have turned the
afternoon-event into a weekend-long extravaganza with excursions, party favors and plenty of
luxurious touches.
"The Bay Area is an expensive place to live and an expensive place to get married, and every little
thing makes a big difference," said Berkeley wedding planner Diane Meltzer. "People go away with
wine ring (favors), beautiful bowls from Crate and Barrel. Baskets that people have set up in hotel
rooms? That used to be just the really wealthy people that did it. Now everyone's doing that. Or they
take their whole wedding party away with them for the weekend, swimming and hiking and wine
tasting." Drouillard agrees.
"Everyone wants a royal experience," the Marin minister said. "Everyone wants to be princess for the
day." Some couples opt out of the luxe wedding, Meltzer said, but families and society put a lot of
pressure on even the most independent-minded bride. "One bride and groom who wanted to buy a
house had a simple wedding and a dessert reception. It was a lot cheaper than a sit-down dinner, very
elegant," she said. "But a lot of people feel like they have to put the whole show on. A lot comes from
parents who put pressure on their kids, 'Uncle Joe is coming all the way from Chicago. You can't just
give him dessert.'"
It's enough to send some couples to city hall, said Walnut Creek marriage and family therapist
Catherine Freemire, who teaches a course on life rituals at San Francisco State and JFK universities.
"The amount of money, the financial pressure that gets built up, thousands and thousands of dollars,"
said Freemire.
"Couples say, 'Why don't we elope and spend this on a trip to Europe or put a down payment on a house
or help Katrina victims?'" Actually, more than 1,100 couples did just that last year in Contra Costa
County -- they got hitched by the county clerk in Martinez. Total tab, including the marriage license:
less than $100. And the thought had crossed her mind, confessed Melissa Barrow, a 29-year-old
CalTrans biologist from Oakland who is getting married in August. "Part of me loves the idea of
eloping, spending the money on a honeymoon," she said. "But that would have upset my family."
Instead, Barrow and her fiance are getting married at a friend's lakeside home. They're still spending
more money than they had planned, but it's on meaningful items, she said, "not fluff." "I never had big
wedding fantasies anyway," Barrow said. "I'd rather buy a house." Reach Jackie Burrell at
925-977-8568 or jburrell@cctimes.com.
Copyright (c) 2006, Contra Costa Times, Walnut Creek, Calif.
Distributed by Knight Ridder/Tribune Business News.
For information on republishing this content, contact us at (800) 661-2511 (U.S.),
(213) 237-4914 (worldwide), fax (213) 237-6515, or e-mail reprints@krtinfo.com.
TICKER SYMBOL(S): Unknown:CTB
COPYRIGHT 2006 Contra Costa Times
Byline: Jackie Burrell
distinctive wedding aisle cadence -- step, pause, glow. And then, as misty-eyed spectators took notes,
more brides followed, one after another in elaborate designer gowns, down the bridal fashion catwalk.
Step, pause. Ka-ching.
Weddings are a $70 billion a year industry, a tulle and froth creation fueled by glossy magazines the
size of phone books, glitzy bridal fairs and Madison Avenue. These days, bridal parties think nothing of
jetting off to Vegas or renting out a spa for a bachelorette shindig. Flower girls don't drop petals -- they
distribute full-blown corsages to every guest on the aisle. And it's not enough to have a wedding
planner -- some men decide to use proposal planners as well. If that's too much for a fevered bride to
contemplate, well, there are elopement planners, too.
"The emphasis on the extravaganza wedding, the industry standard wedding, has gotten so elaborate,"
said bridal counselor Allison Moir-Smith, an East Coast therapist who's on a national mission to help
brides reclaim the emotional component of their weddings. "A lot of people end up resenting their
weddings because they end up taking over their lives. All the wedding is trivialized into 'a huge project
I'm working on.'" This weekend, brides-to-be can survey the offerings at San Francisco's Bridal Expo.
Next weekend, they can "Experience Total Bridal Indulgence" at Conde Nast's "Wedding March," also in
the city. In September, the wedding faire biz lands in San Ramon. In October, it's Modesto.
And in February, it was Walnut Creek, where fresh-faced brides-to-be and jeans-clad bridesmaids
thronged the vendor booths, looking at monogrammed chocolate favors and the latest canapes.
Photographers hawked their wares -- high-definition DVDs, suitable for replaying the magic day on a
giant plasma screen TV. And a full-on fashion show replaced the arrogant catwalk strut with scenes
straight out of "Father of the Bride" -- or maybe "American Pie 3." A tiny flower girl blew kisses to the
weepy audience. Tuxedo-clad groomsmen boogied. And women in the audience waved dollar bills as
Times have changed. "It used to be that the bride and groom donned their Sunday best," said Marin
interfaith minister Ema Drouillard, who has performed thousands of weddings. "The groom would pick
a handful of wildflowers. Everyone would bring a dish, and share in the celebration. It was simple and
sweet." But brides have changed, too. Between World War II and Watergate, the average first-time
bride was just 20.4 years old, barely out of her teens.
Today, the average first-time bride is 26 years old, the groom is 28 and their dual-income household
brings in more than $50,000 a year. Their families have multiple mothers, fathers and step-siblings.
And everything is more complicated. According to wedding industry trackers, such as
SellMoreWeddings.com, half those brides will hire a professional to plan their $22,000-plus wedding.
The groom will spend $3,000 on the engagement ring -- assuming he bought into the diamond
industry's "suggestion" that he spend two months' salary on the rock. And the guest list will be huge --
175 friends and loved ones. Bay Area weddings cost more. And some couples have turned the
afternoon-event into a weekend-long extravaganza with excursions, party favors and plenty of
luxurious touches.
"The Bay Area is an expensive place to live and an expensive place to get married, and every little
thing makes a big difference," said Berkeley wedding planner Diane Meltzer. "People go away with
wine ring (favors), beautiful bowls from Crate and Barrel. Baskets that people have set up in hotel
rooms? That used to be just the really wealthy people that did it. Now everyone's doing that. Or they
take their whole wedding party away with them for the weekend, swimming and hiking and wine
tasting." Drouillard agrees.
"Everyone wants a royal experience," the Marin minister said. "Everyone wants to be princess for the
day." Some couples opt out of the luxe wedding, Meltzer said, but families and society put a lot of
pressure on even the most independent-minded bride. "One bride and groom who wanted to buy a
house had a simple wedding and a dessert reception. It was a lot cheaper than a sit-down dinner, very
elegant," she said. "But a lot of people feel like they have to put the whole show on. A lot comes from
parents who put pressure on their kids, 'Uncle Joe is coming all the way from Chicago. You can't just
give him dessert.'"
It's enough to send some couples to city hall, said Walnut Creek marriage and family therapist
Catherine Freemire, who teaches a course on life rituals at San Francisco State and JFK universities.
"The amount of money, the financial pressure that gets built up, thousands and thousands of dollars,"
said Freemire.
"Couples say, 'Why don't we elope and spend this on a trip to Europe or put a down payment on a house
or help Katrina victims?'" Actually, more than 1,100 couples did just that last year in Contra Costa
County -- they got hitched by the county clerk in Martinez. Total tab, including the marriage license:
less than $100. And the thought had crossed her mind, confessed Melissa Barrow, a 29-year-old
CalTrans biologist from Oakland who is getting married in August. "Part of me loves the idea of
eloping, spending the money on a honeymoon," she said. "But that would have upset my family."
Instead, Barrow and her fiance are getting married at a friend's lakeside home. They're still spending
more money than they had planned, but it's on meaningful items, she said, "not fluff." "I never had big
wedding fantasies anyway," Barrow said. "I'd rather buy a house." Reach Jackie Burrell at
925-977-8568 or jburrell@cctimes.com.
Copyright (c) 2006, Contra Costa Times, Walnut Creek, Calif.
Distributed by Knight Ridder/Tribune Business News.
For information on republishing this content, contact us at (800) 661-2511 (U.S.),
(213) 237-4914 (worldwide), fax (213) 237-6515, or e-mail reprints@krtinfo.com.
TICKER SYMBOL(S): Unknown:CTB
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The Contra Costa Times
